Lost In Time
by BeMyxoxo
Summary: Why does Cat act the way she does? Is it for attention? Or to mask her misery? Or is it to make up for lost time? Acting out the childhood she never had.
1. Word 1

_Word 1: Abandon_

_abandon: cease to support or look after (someone); desert_

* * *

I guess it started in first grade. Or maybe it started much, much earlier than that. Maybe my parents had hidden the truth from me. Cleverly concealing the one thing that ruined my childhood. I guess I should thank them.

At least I got 5 years of happiness before my life went to hell.

The most significant moments of a childhood memory? Most people would say, their first word, their first steps.

I would say, my first abandonment.

Did my parents forget they had a second child?

And Frankie. My best friend from birth. My companion. My role model.

My brother.

I guess you could say he left me too. By choice? I guess not. But he could have _chosen_ to fight. He could have _chosen_ to keep going.

He could have chosen to keep breathing.

* * *

**_"Mommy? Where are you going? Can I come?" three year old Caterina stared up at her mother with hopeful eyes. Charlotte Valentine bent down to look eye-to-eye at her only daughter._**

**_"No, sweetie. Your brother and I have to go to an important appointment." the young child furrowed her eyebrows, stubborn to the core._**

**_"Where are you and Frankie going all the time?" she demanded. "I want to come with Frankie." she stamped her foot, impatiently. Charlotte sighed. She looked Caterina straight in the eye._**

**_"Kitty Cat... your brother is very... special. He needs special attention every week. That's why we go to the hospital all the time." she tried to explain the situation as simply as possible. Surely a mere toddler couldn't possibly understand the concept of autism. Caterina pouted, dark chocolate eyes narrowing._**

**_"Kk." she sighed, her bouncy brown curls bobbing as she nodded her head. Mrs. Valentine sighed in relief, quickly scooping up her son and rushing out to the car. _**

**_Caterina played with the frilly hem of her dress. She glared at the pink sequins, as if they were the cause of her frustration. Every week it was the same. Her mom would have to go out because Frankie was 'special'. She was special too. But no one seemed to care about Caterina. It was always about Frankie. Frankie this, Frankie that. The young girl let out a piercing scream. It just wasn't fair! Why should Frankie get special attention and not her? _**

* * *

I suppose it wasn't Frankie's fault. And I really didn't know that he had a mental disorder. But it only got worse from there. Frankie's problems only got worse and worse. The appointment became more frequent. And I got less and less attention from my parents. By the time I was six, Frankie had to visit his therapist almost everyday. Soon, my dad also began sitting in on the therapy sessions. Leaving little six year old me and their crappy idea of a babysitter, home alone.

Yeah. Great parenting.

I had to learn how to walk home by myself and how to heat up the TV dinners in the microwave. My 'babysitter' Cindy, didn't do much. She just sat around with her mp3 player and tuned out any requests coming from the six year old she was supposedly 'watching'. Yep, my parents couldn't even bother to get a proper babysitter.

* * *

_**"Cindy? Why aren't Mommy and Daddy home yet?" Caterina whimpered. Cindy simply smacked her gum, bobbing her head to the music blasting through her earphones. Caterina grabbed her arm, shaking it insistently. Finally, the teenager snapped. She turned to glare at the child.**_

_**"Ugh. What do you want, brat?" she snarled. Caterina shrunk back.**_

_**"When are Mommy and Daddy getting back?" she shuffled her feet, nervously. The 18 year old rolled her eyes, brushing a strand of platinum blonde hair out of her eyes.**_

_**"I don't know... whenever your phsyco brother can finally get his brain straight." she shrugged carelessly. Caterina pouted indignantly. **_

_**"My brother's not phsyco!" she protested. Cindy huffed, placing the earbud back into her ear. "He's... special. Mommy says so." The blonde rolled her eyes.**_

_**"Your brother's messed up and you know it." she smirked. "I guess it runs in the family." The young girl didn't know what to say. She stared up at her babysitter. Why was she being so mean?**_

_**"Cindy?" she whispered once more. Her guardian threw her head back in exasperation. **_

_**"Ugh! What do you want now?" she snapped. Shaking, Caterina pointed to the wooden clock on the wall. 9:30.**_

_**"I- it's past my be- bedtime..." she whimpered, shying away. **_

_**"So? What do you want me to do about it?" Cindy grumbled. Caterina stared at her blankly. She had never gone to bed by herself before. Who was going to tuck her in? Who was going to read her a bedtime story? Who was going to give her a goodnight kiss? Distraught and confused, the six year old trailed upstairs. She looked back at her supposed 'watcher'. Wasn't she even going to wish her goodnight? But when nothing but silence followed, the girl had no choice but to continue up to her room. **_

* * *

My parents always got home before 9:00. But I guess the therapy session with Frankie lasted longer than usual. That night, they got home at 11:30. After a few years, I got used to it. My parents started getting home later and later. Sometimes getting home at three in the morning. I found myself looking forward to our occasional visits to my Nona and Pappy's place more than anything. And then when Pappy died of cancer, I realised how alone I really was. I only had my Nona. I found myself constantly wishing I lived with her, instead of with my own parents.

I guess I got my wish.

* * *

**_"We're going for a ride." Jade announced. Cat blinked._**

**_"To where?" _**

**_"To your grandmother's apartment." Cat frowned._**

**_"I told you! She moved to Italy!" Jade sighed._**

**_"Your Nona moved to Venice." she explained. But the redhead still didn't seem to understand._**

**_"That's in Italy! I searched it up!" she exclaimed. _**

**_"Venice, California." Jade snapped, her patience running thin. "It's twelve miles from here."_**

**_"Well that explains why I saw her at the mall last weekend." she reasoned. "You think my Nona will let me stay with her?" she looked at her friends, hopefully. Jade offered her friend an amused smile._**

**_"Yes, your Nona would love for you to come and stay with her." Cat beamed even wider._**

**_"Well I'll just live there then!" she squealed, running out the cramped, storage room. _**

* * *

And for a while, I was happy. Truly happy. But given my crappy past, of course it wouldn't last.

* * *

_**"We're losing him!" one of the doctors called out. More nurses rushed in, frantically trying to keep Frankie Valentine alive. Cat whimpered, hugging her Nona close. Her grandmother stroked her hair, terrified for her grandchildren. Both her grandchildren. If Frankie didn't make it... she didn't know how she would survive. How Cat would survive. **_

_**"I'm under my bed. I'm under my bed." Cat repeated to herself, as if it were a sacred mantra. Then she heard the dreaded sound.**_

_**A flatline.**_

_**"Charge!" she could still hear the doctor's voices from the waiting room. For a moment, silence. Then she heard it. The faint beeping of the heart monitor. **_

_**Her brother was alive. **_

_**For now.**_

_**The doctors entered the waiting room, their expressions solemn. Hope Valentine rushed forward, desperate to hear that her son was okay. **_

_**"He's on life support." the doctor's face remained stone hard, not betraying any emotion. Richard Valentine gripped his wife, holding her in a tight embrace.**_

_**"W- will he pull through?" Hope stammered. The doctor's eyes softened.**_

_**"It's up to him, now." he admitted.**_

_**But Frankie couldn't keep fighting the battle he had been fighting his whole life. **_

_**And at 12:03 am, Frankie Valentine died of brain cancer.**_

* * *

I never blamed Frankie for my misfortunes. It wasn't his fault. But I never thought that he'd leave me like that. Now, I only had Nona. Mom and Dad were moving to Florida, claiming they couldn't stay here in L.A. They couldn't stay where Frankie's deathbed was. But they could stay where they were far, far away from me.

* * *

_**"It's time that I moved to Elderly Acres." Nona announced firmly. Cat felt frozen with shock. No. Not again. She would not be abandoned again!**_

_**"No! Nona you are not moving to Elderly Acres." she protested. Nona reached out to comfort her.**_

_**"But it's a wonderful place." she soothed. **_

_**"Then I'll move there with you." Cat persisted, determined not to be left behind again. **_

_**"It's for elderlies only."**_

* * *

But if you're not there...

Who will tuck me into bed?

Who will read me a bedtime story?

Who will kiss me goodnight?

I guess abandon isn't the right word.

I think the word I'm looking for, is forget.

* * *

**Hey, I hope that wasn't too horrible. I know it's short, it was longer, but then I accidentally clicked the 'Terms and Conditions' button, before I saved like, half of it. Sorry about that.**

**~ Iz**


	2. Word 2

_Word 2: Silence_

_silence: complete absence of sound_

* * *

I guess over the years I've gotten used to silence. Coming home to an empty house became a regular occurrence for me. There was no sound, just silence. So I learned to make my own noise.

* * *

_**"Hello?" Caterina called out. She waited silently, hoping that someone, anyone would answer her. But as usual, only absolute silence followed. It became a daily thing. She would come home from school, and call out. Just in case, by some miracle, she wasn't alone. **_

_**But she was.**_

_**Completely, and utterly, alone.**_

_**Sighing, the girl closed the door behind her and walked up to her bedroom, dragging herself over to her bed. **_

_**"You shout it out, but I can't hear a word you say..." Caterina sang softly, her voice cracking. "I'm talking loud, not saying much..."**_

_**And she couldn't hear a word they said. **_

_**Because they weren't there.**_

* * *

And so I fake a laugh. I force a smile. I tell absurd stories. And finally.

They finally notice me.

They speak to me.

There's no more silence.

But I hate this noise.

The cruel laughter.

The condescending words.

* * *

_**Tori, Beck, Jade, Andre, Robbie and Cat all sat together in a booth at Nozu's. Together, they laughed, they talked. Cat is silent, so she makes some noise.**_

_**"One time, my brother-" the laughter dies down.**_

_**"No, Cat." Jade interrupts. Cat's smile wavers.**_

_**And then there is silence.**_

_**Only silence. **_

_**Maybe she speaks of her brother, because he is no longer there.**_

_**He is silent.**_

* * *

Isn't this what I wanted? To finally be acknowledged? Maybe it's better than being alone, in the quiet.

But somehow, the quiet feels safe.

No one can hurt me, if I can't hear them.

If I don't hear their words, then I can't be hurt.

So maybe I should just stop listening.

* * *

_**You shoot me down, but I won't fall,**_

_**I am titanium.**_

* * *

But I'm not. I'm not titanium.

After all these years of silence, I don't know how to block out the noise.

* * *

**_"That's okay, I take criticism really well!"_**

**_"No, you don't."_**

**_"What's that supposed to mean?"_**

**_._**

**_._**

**_._**

**_"Hey 'Lil Red."_**

**_"What's that supposed to mean?"_**

**_._**

**_._**

**_._**

**_"My dog has a black nose! It's so cute! Like a baby meatball!"_**

**_"...Meatballs are brown."_**

**_"You're so mean to me!"_**

* * *

I'm not unbreakable.

Sometimes, I can feel my act crumbling.

But that's okay.

No one will notice when I'm gone.

No one will notice when I'm silent.

* * *

_**"Hello?" she calls out.**_

_**Silence.**_

_**"Hello?" in some hope, that someone can hear her.**_

_**"Hello?"**_

_**But no one does.**_

_**I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose,**_

_**Fire away, fire away.**_

_**Ricochet, you take your aim.**_

_**Fire away, fire away.**_

* * *

There's only silence.

So I made my own noise.

They hear me.

But they don't understand.

Their words are cruel.

So I stopped listening.

The noise hurts too much.

So I learned to make my own silence.

* * *

**A/N: Ugh! I know! What's with the short chapters? But I'm sorry! I couldn't think of anything else to add! Thx to the 2 reviewers last time!**

**~ Iz**


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